Trapezius

On Tuesday, July 8th, I flew.

Yes, I was on a trapeze. Yes, I was strapped in and technically the likelihood of anything bad happening was slim. But Yes, I faced several MAJOR FEARS that day!

And it broke me wide open. In a good way, of course.

Firstly, let me say that the trapeze has been set up for a month here at Omega. Omega guests can pay for a 2-hour session (in groups) to go on the trapeze. Omega STAFF, such as myself could also pay, at a much discounted rate. So, it'd been all the rage - everyone talking about when they were going to do the trapeze, etc. etc. Because it would be SUCH an opportunity to do the trapeze for such a cheap rate, I really felt I SHOULD do it. But many MANY factors stopped me, not the least of which is my body shape (or lack thereof) and size (or abundance thereof). Oh, not to mention my medium-sized fear of heights.

So, I decided not to shell out the dough.
But then they posted a Staff Lottery for the trapeze. So I thought, "Oh, OK, I'll sign up and if my name is chosen, then I'll see it as a sign from the universe (or whatever force/power) that I should do it."

And I figured, with MY luck, that'd be that. I'd surely NOT get on the list.

I continued to pay no attention to the board where the lottery thingy was posted. Until one evening someone told me they were picked! I was instantly terrified that I too might be on the list. So, my internal saboteur said, "Well, even if I get on the list, I'll probably be scheduled for a time when I'm at work, and surely I can't get out of work to do that." That was going to be my excuse. I was all set.

Well, as I'm sure you've sorted out by now, I indeed was picked and oddly enough I was scheduled for one of my days off work! So, all signs were pointing to "You Must Do This!"

So, I did. I knew I couldn't bail out. I didn't even try. I just prepared myself all that day, and went.

And it was amazing!

No, I didn't get my legs up and over the bar - some people don't - but I got REALLY close! And besides all that, I was WAY more graceful than I thought I'd be. You should've SEEN my dismount - the backflip that they have everyone do! I felt like Nadia Comaneci (of Olympic gymnastics fame), arms up in the air in victory and poise!

I didn't even know what I was conquering that day, by doing trapeze. But I'm gaining a bit more insight now. For one thing, I've been wrapped up in this body-image shit for way too long -- imagining that I can't do anything that "normal" people can do because I'm overweight. Bull-hockey! I was AWESOME!

Another piece of perspective I feel I've gleened from the experience comes from the fact that, when you're up there, in the sky, about to slide or jump off of a platform into the unknown, with little or nothing to help you but your own body and spirit, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS! None of my little negative thoughts - "oh, do my arms look fat? oh, I can't do that maneuver because I'm too old or too out of shape", etc. - matter. It all - poof! - disappears.

So, although I'm not a huge fan of the overuse of this particular word - "empowerment" - I do feel I was indeed empowered by this physical leap of faith I made. I feel victorious and like I can do almost anything if I set my mind to it. And I also learned that, even overweight, I can be graceful.

And on that note, I'm gonna ballerina-prance off into the sunset, to fill out my application to join the circus! :)